This past few weeks I have had plenty of time to think about everything. Especially about how fast everything seems to be happening. I have finished my traineeship and enrolled into university. I am officially an AIN. I am qualified to work in a nursing home/aged care facility. I am qualified to be responsible for other peoples lives. All this responsibility and maturity seems to come at once. I often miss being a kid. I remember when I was about 7 or 8, I couldn’t wait to be 18. I wanted to be 18 more than anything in the world. What on earth was I thinking? I wish now that the world would stop for a little while. Just to give me a chance to catch up and get my head around everything that is happening. To register the fact that I am NOT a kid anymore. Christmas came and went in a blur. The new year is approaching faster than I would like. Can’t everything just SLOW DOWN? I feel suffocated. I’m scared. I’m scared of living away from Mum next year. I’m scared of fucking everything up. Of failing my course. Of losing my scholarship. Of not being able to afford rent. Or food. I’m scared of becoming so weighed down with university and work, so weighed down with surviving that I forget to live. Forget to enjoy being 18.19.20… I don’t want to spend my life worried about surviving, that when I’m 80 I regret not doing something.
The last 2 weeks haven’t been exactly enjoyable. Nothing seemed to be going how I wanted it, and I couldn’t see any possible way that university would even be possible. However on Christmas eve a letter came in the mail saying that my application for a scholarship from the RCNA was successful. I was awarded with $30 000 to pay for university expenses. It was the best Christmas present and biggest blessing ever. I had no idea how I was supposed to pay for uni and live in/near the city as well. The scholarship pretty much pays for my course. Now all I need to worry about is living. And being responsible for myself. That’s the scary part. I have to learn to look out for myself. Shit! But it’s going to be okay!
Before this however I am determined to make my way to Sydney to spend time with a friend, E. I think after finally finishing year 12 and my traineeship, I deserve a little holiday right? Before I have to be a big girl? Haha
With the new year just around the corner I have been thinking a lot about everything that has happened in the last 12 months. It has definately been an incredibly challenging time. I pray, however, that with the right choices and fate on my side that 2011 will be a much easier, happier and generally enjoyable year.
So I hope that everyone had a lovely Christmas and wish each of you all the best for the new year!
xx Lucy
Congrats on getting the scholarship! And thus begins the next part of life.
ReplyDeleteOh, to be 18 again. I used to think that 16 was the magic number, and have lived every year after that somewhat unsatisfied because 16 was not the life-changing experience that it was promised to be.
Bottom line is, life is never what one expects, or plans or mapped out to be. Just try to enjoy each and every year, and after doing what's responsible, do what makes you happy. Take risks, take chances and everything will work its way out.
Best of luck, merry Christmas and here's to a fab 2011